Part 98: Chapter the Ninth: End of the line.

Chapter the Ninth: End of the line.
April 1, 2020-May 11, 2020

We're going to finish somewhere between 6th and 12th, but our exact position will be determined by these last six games. I'm aiming for sixth, it would get us into the Europa League, but regardless it will be an excellent finish for us.



Totally worth the £5.5m transfer fee. Just imagine how good he'll be when he learns English!



The one prospect that I decided to sign instead chose to stick with his second division team in Spain. That means I bring in a big fat nothing to add to the youth squad.



Romanchuk is a putz. Leave Dick Petts alone!

At Chelsea, April 4, 2020
Premier League


I'm not going to lie, it would warm the cockles of my heart if we took four or more points from Chelsea this year. Their manager is under fire for “only” being in 3rd place, a loss to us might get him fired. We've already secured safety from relegation with six games remaining after being predicted to finish 18th this season.

Starting Formation:
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong, Todd, Mejasic, Djurovic, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Love, Hurst, Lewis, Simpson, Bailey, Matko, Harrison.

We don't concede from open play in the first half hour, but Chelsea goes up thanks to a free kick just before the half-hour mark. We limp into the lockers without giving up a second goal, but we are being decidedly outplayed. Things are better after the interval, but we still can't force ourselves back to level, and the game is decided when that demon Angel Suarez scores incisively with fifteen minutes left. Shirra gets us on the board in stoppage time, but it's too little, too late.




Chelsea 2-1 Wrexham



Why would I even consider taking this job? They're currently in 18th place, and it would be a fight just to stay up this year. It's not even like they have more financial resources than Wrexham does. Are they just trying to play mind games in the week before we face off?



It's nice that Bastable and Shirra are both shortlisted for this award, but they should really be shortlisted for the Player of the Year award. They've been that good.



Shirra is shortlisted for the writers award, at least.



They're on a five game losing streak at present. I told everyone who'd listen that they were going down. They have 18 points so far, which is very bad but doesn't come close to setting the record for futility in the Premiership era. That belongs to Derby County in 2007-2008, who had just one win in 38 games, earning 11 points on their way to humiliation.

vs. Norwich City, April 11, 2020
Premier League


This is in all probability our easiest remaining game. I'm telling the boys to go out there and send Norwich back to the Championship where they belong.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong, Todd, Mejasic, Djurovic, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Love, Hurst, Lewis, Simpson, Bailey, Matko, Harrison.

We're now a different class of team from Norwich. Thrice we seriously threaten in the first six minutes of play, and it's poor luck that we only score once. Our ability to dice the Norwich defense carries through the entire game, but we cannot finish to save our lives. Luckily, neither can Norwich. They get multiple opportunities late in the game, but fail to make us pay. When the team has assembled in the changing room after the game I tell them that we were not nearly good enough, and lucky to earn our result. We did a great deal well, but we didn't finish and we got sloppy late in the game. The win puts us level on points with 7th place Reading and 6th place Tottenham, but each of them has a game in hand on us and an insurmountable goal differential advantage.




Wrexham 1-0 Norwich



Harrison set that record in 44 games played. The Bastard broke it in 33.



I'd wager our accountants have never been happier while writing out a bonus check/chequeueue.



Two down, one left to fall. It's either going to be Norwich or Newcastle, with an outside shot that Watford takes the plunge if they crater completely.



The FA Cup final will include either Bolton or Swansea, meaning that even if they lose the final to Manchester City they'll get into the Europa League. Thus, we can't afford to drop any more points if we want to finish sixth.All of our remaining matches have become must wins if we're to reach our raised expectations.

vs. Stoke City, April 18, 2020
Premier League


Stoke went from winless over the course of eleven league games to having only lost once in their last five games. We're at home, though, so we should be able to beat them up.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Standard
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Todd, Boumsong, Mejasic, Matko, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Love, Hurst, Lewis, Simpson, Bailey, Djurovic, Harrison.

Our finishing has been awful for the last month, and today is no different. Twice Bastable has the goal at his mercy in the early going and twice he's left hanging his head after a howler of a miss. Thus it is that Mujkic picks a good time for his third goal of the season, finally putting us ahead after 40 minutes of frustration. We keep on missing chances from there, and it's not just the Bastard who's the culprit. I swapped him out for Harrison in the 75th minute, and Harrison promptly went on to waste a chance of his own. We're fortunate to win one-nil, Stoke also had a number of looks at the goal and failed to pick up any of them. Still, when you have seven clear cut chances in a game and score only one goal, you should be ashamed of yourself, and instead of congratulating the team on an important win I take the offense to the woodshed.

Man of the Match: Scott Shirra




Wrexham 1-0 Stoke



I don't disagree. We need to get our heads straight before it bites us in the ass.

vs. Cardiff City, April 25, 2020
Premier League


This is it. The Cwp final. A win or a draw here makes us champions of Wales. A win is also necessary to keep up our drive for Europe. We're now two points up on Tottenham and three back of Reading with three games left to play.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Standard
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong, Todd, Mejasic, Matko, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Love, Hurst, Lewis, Simpson, Bailey, Matko, Harrison.

Our opponents still can't finish, though that's partly because Kovacevic stood on his head for a couple saves.. Cardiff carves us open twice but we draw first blood when Bastable remembers that the ball is supposed to go into the back of the net for the first time in a couple games. I don't let the team off the hook at the half, keeping my slave-driver impersonation going as I pick on every player not named Kovacevic or Bastable for mistakes they made in the first half. If they won't fear failure, they'll fear me.

The team gets the message. Kovacevic is forced to make another great save, but otherwise we play much better through the next 20 minutes, and double our lead thanks to Stuart Mair. It's an important goal, as Cardiff finally gets one past Kovacevic, but we restore the two goal lead when Shirra converts from the spot after a questionable penalty is levied against Cardiff. Dinko Mejasic adds a fourth goal to our tally, and it's time to turn out the lights, the party's over. Cardiff gets a meaningless goal in the final minutes, but we're the ones with the Cwp. Wrexham is once again rightly the mightiest team in all of Wales. Meanwhile, Reading falls to Arsenal, making our next match against them the likely determinant of who finishes in sixth and earns a spot in Europe next year.

Man of the Match: Scott Shirra




Wrexham 4-2 Cardiff



Tottenham is having a late season meltdown. Just a couple months ago they were within spitting distance of a Champion's League spot, now they've fallen to ninth and we have a four point advantage over them. I think they hired Tim Sherwood again.



Four players in the team of the week, almost entirely thanks to their second half efforts. Bawling your players out can absolutely work wonders when they're being complacent, don't be afraid to do so if your team is under-performing despite having a lead.



Oh, a rival to my throne?



Well, a CONCACAF Champion's League title isn't that shabby. The top Mexican teams are probably as good as lower-mid table Premier League teams. Still, what type of biased media would laud him as so great without mentioning me? Have they not noticed what I'm doing here in Wales? Maybe that's why I haven't been given the keys to the national team yet.



This is marvelous news. His retirement will release us from our obligation to pay him £1.5m over the next two seasons.



We need a nickname for Shirra. Given Mujkic's modest season, Shirra is now without a doubt our best or second best player.



Our youth crop continues to draw praise, with Dinko Mejasic finishing third in the month's young player award voting.

At Reading, May 2, 2020
Premier League


I know it's a couple of days before my birthday, but I'd really appreciate being given a win against Reading. It's especially important as our final game is against Arsenal, and while we could conceivably beat Arsenal they're still Champion's League semi-finalists and we're just newly promoted upstarts.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong, Todd, Mejasic, Djurovic, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Love, Hurst, Lewis, Simpson, Bailey, Matko, Harrison.

This was as exciting a nil-nil draw that the world has ever witnessed The game was fast paced, the offensive movement on both sides was excellent, and the woodwork got a work out. Either side could have come away with a victory today, and I can't believe that I watched the posts and crossbar deny us four times.

This result deeply damages our Europa League aspirations, though. We're now just two points up on Tottenham, and thus need a win against Arsenal while Reading draws or loses to Everton for a shot at sixth place.




Reading 0-0 Wrexham



I'm tempted to send my save file to recently sacked David Moyes to show him that in an alternate reality he became a worthy successor to Sir Alex, but I think it might tip him over the edge of the nervous breakdown he's been working on since just after Christmas.



Impressive.

vs. Arsenal, May 10, 2020
Premier League


When the season started I looked at the schedule, noticed Arsenal, and thought to myself “we're going to need to win that game.” I expected to need a win in order to stave off relegation, instead the win will give us a chance at Continental soccer. It's not a sure thing, though. Even if we win we could still find ourselves on the outside looking in if Reading wins as well and Swansea defeats Manchester City in the FA Cup final on May 16th. But if we can't win we're likely to finish eighth. That's something to be proud of, but it will still feel like a letdown even so.

Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Attack
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak, Boumsong, Todd, Mejasic, Djurovic, Mair, Petts, Mujkic (c), Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: Love, Hurst, Lewis, Simpson, Bailey, Matko, Harrison.

I want us to come out and try to surprise Arsenal. It works, and through the first half we're taking the game to them. But our late season lack of finesse continues to haunt us, as we miss chance after chance. Bastable finally puts the ball in the back of the net just seconds before the first half whistle, but it's called back for offside and we've junked a whole half where we outplayed our opponent. The second half is more of the same. We keep outplaying Arsenal, doing everything but scoring. I'm keeping a careful eye on the Tottenham and Reading scores, and after 94 minutes we're sitting in 7th place. We finish in a goalless draw, in seventh place and outside of European qualification thanks to those Southern Welsh maroons in Swansea making the FA Cup final and being assured a Europa League berth win or lose.




Wrexham 0-0 Arsenal



I shouldn't be disappointed with a seventh place finish in our first season playing top division soccer, but I am. One stinking goal in either of the final two games would have been enough to get us into the Europa League. Instead I'm left to stew on the near miss, and it hurts more than our success provides succor. Next season it's qualification or bust. We've proven we belong in this exclusive club, now it's time to prove that we deserve the best seats in the joint.

Mateo Mujkic had an OK but not great season, with 3 goals and 8 assists, giving him a total G+A of 11. PotatoManJack and Sky Shadowing were closest to that number at 13, so it goes to the tiebreaker of Justin Bailey's assists. Bailey had 2 assists, which makes Sky Shadowing the winner. Let me know what you want changed.



BOARD VOTE

(YOLOSwagginsly) Before we get to wage, transfer, and other discussions, we need to talk about my contract. I've held up my side of the bargain, and now it's time to pay what you owe. Currently the average Premiership manager earns £50,000 a week. My demand is a 3 year contract at £50,000/wk, with a 20% a year raise. I also want an increase to my base pay prior to yearly raises of £65,000/wk if we qualify for the Europa League and a raise to £80,000/wk if we reach the Champion's League. I realize I have one year left on my £1,300/wk contract, but I will not ignore the scores of teams interested in hiring me as I did this year if you turn down my request.

QUESTION 1: Contract

1) (Ungratefully) How dare you have the gall to make demands of us? Remember, when we brought you in you had just been sacked from another job! We agree that you deserve a raise, but your entitled attitude is unacceptable. Go ahead and take those offers from soon to be relegated teams in Greece. No deal. (No new contract offer)
2) (Timidly) We'll have the contract drawn up immediately! Please, just don't leave us! (3 year contract at £50k/wk, 20% yearly raise, escalators to £65k/wk for Europa League qualification and £80k/wk for Champion's League qualification)

Voting will be open until Monday, April 28, at 12pm EST.